Being Real

Well, everyone is saying make sure you are real on your blog.  So, this is what's real in my life right now.  I am miserable, totally miserable.  Physically, emotionally, mentally miserable.  So there it is.  I have had meltdown after meltdown over the past 3 or 4 weeks. 

   My physical is mostly absolute exhaustion, which I can't seem to get out of.  It is a symptom of me running too much.  Not this year, but in the past, I have had all the tests run-thyroid, etc.  There seems to be nothing "wrong" with me.  It seems as though my body just can't handle running around.  Emotionally I can't seem to handle running around either.  Am I a freak?!  I hear all these other homeschool moms getting together, running here and there, and they don't spend days trying to recooperate.  Why does only maybe one day a week seem to be my limit? 

   Even before the last few weeks of physical exhaustion set in, I was struggling.  I need prayer that I can enjoy homeschooling my children again.  I love my children to pieces, I have no desire or thoughts what-so-ever of them going to a school, but I am absolutely tired of sitting down teaching.  It's very selfish.  I know there are people who have been doing this much longer than I have.  I wanted (and want) this 2nd set of children.  God blessed us with them.  So, why am I being so selfish to not want to sit down and give them that time right now.  Does anyone else ever go through this?  I read posts of moms saying their kids were all gone for a day or a few hours and how they missed them so much the whole time and they couldn't wait until they got home.  Here I am LOVING every minute of the Wednesday nights when I had the house to myself for 2 hours, and that not being long enough.  And, hating the fact that I won't have that time this summer.  Now don't get me wrong.  When Briana is gone for camp for 2 weeks, I will miss her terribly.  Even Ashley being gone for a week will be very hard.  It's just feeling that need for some long, quiet time here and there. 

     I am praying that God will help me move my own desires out of the way, and restore my desire to serve and teach my girls.  I also need to pray to know how to balance my life.  I don't know how to be everything I feel like I need to be, and not collapse.  I feel as though I am failing my family.  Not to mention the fact that I'm sure they are sick and tired of seeing me spontaneously burst into tears all day. 

   Am I alone in this? 

UPDATE 4/4/13~ How crazy to read this almost 7 years later, and know that 6 years after this was written, I was diagnosed finally with Lyme Disease, which is what was, and still is, causing this crisis.