Friday, July 20, 2012

In Hindsight

You know how when something happens and you don't realize until later how dangerous it was? You might know that it was intense, but not like THAT. That feeling of what could have happened, and the fear and tears that can come when you realize in hindsight? And, then, that awe of what God did to protect you. That happened to me today. The difference is, the event was 25 years and 7 months ago.

September 1986, Ashley came into this world with a bang! I had been having labor pains for 32 hours, although it didn't get intense until the last 15. :)  I had been into the hospital at 3:00 that morning, but was sent home about 7:00 AM. We later found out that was a mistake. Our baby girl was having heart trouble. We had noticed the heart monitor and the numbers, but when we asked about it, the nurse told us that was just her moving around, away from the monitor. We didn't know any better. They sent me home to eat, take shower, and nap, and told me the pains would probably go away. (I'm not sure I had fully convinced them I was due. :) I was so thin still, they didn't want to believe I was 9 months. Oh, the days!) At 6:00ish, we went back to the hospital with the contractions just 6 min. apart. This time when her heart rate plummeted, then shot up high, then dropped again, this nurse flew into action, screaming to get the doctor on the phone, flipping me on my left side, applying an oxygen mask, 2 nurses at once racing to see who could get the IV in first (into my tiny, rolling veins). They quickly had us sign emergency C-section papers, and told James if we wanted anyone there to call now, because the baby would be here fast. And, she was. Our beautiful baby girl. They called her condition during birth, tri-cardiac arrest probably from being so exhausted from trying to come for so long. (I was never more than 3 cm. after those 32 hours!)

Today as I was talking to 2 dear ladies during my appointment, one of them a medical person, someone brought up birth trauma, and in the conversation, I told my story. That's when I find out just how scary our situation really was. I knew it could have been dangerous for Ashley, but she told me that both of our lives were in danger. She went on to say that when her heart rate was dropping down to 40...those are numbers where babies are stillborn if they are not delivered FAST. 

As I told James about it on our way home, that's when I got a little teary. The realization of how close we could have been to losing our daughter and all the joy and laughter and love of the last 25 1/2 years. The realization that GOD WAS WITH US as we sat in that apartment all afternoon between hospital visits with her little heart in such distress. He was protecting He had a plan for her, just as He does for all of us. That even though an ...uneducated?  ...unexperienced?.... careless?... nurse shrugged it off and sent us on our way, God did not. He had a plan. He put a very competent nurse in that room that night, and His plan began in this world for her. ....and as it has for all my children. 

Sappy post, yes. :) But, that momentary what if, even so long ago, is replaced by long term gratefulness.