Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Ready to Quit

Y'all....yesterday I was ready to quit. 

It was a hard, hard day, and I was so very sick. That was actually day 3 of being too sick to function, but it had gotten increasingly worse each day. I knew yesterday that this was just the beginning, and I honestly didn't know how I was going to take one more breath this way.

After cutting the new treatment down for the trip to 9 drops 3 times per day, I had started increasing them by one drop (3 times per day) last Wed. night. When I got to 13 drops, it turned ugly. I stayed at 13 the next day, and even though it was very hard, I went to 14 yesterday. The fatigue so strong and difficult that you really aren't sure you're going to live. (I am not exaggerating.) Weak. Nausea all day long. Severe back pain when I moved. Nerves frayed. Nerve endings in my back so frayed that it feels like it will send you over the edge for a shirt to even touch it. Off and on stabbing pain in my throat.  Feeling of constant heartburn in my chest (though it wasn't really heartburn). Heart pounding. Already major sensory issues turned up a notch. All of this caused by 2 things~ Toxins released into my body from Lyme die-off and viruses being activated by the treatment.

 In the midst of this yesterday, I read this~

What are you growing impatient to see? Are you ready to give up? If it’s something worth waiting  for, please hang on.

Don’t try a short cut. Don’t abandon hope. But rather submit your plans to God, and ask for more of His Spirit in your life to endure the wait.

I’m pretty sure it will be worth it in the end.
- Glynnis Whitwer

I knew that was for me. It didn't make me stop wanting to quit. But, I kept praying through it. I praised. I had a chiropractor appointment yesterday, and that helped, since it helps detox and usually helps my fatigue short term. I have also increased several supplements when these attacks hit, and they do help some, but on a day like yesterday, it was not very noticeable. I had a lull last night, and felt much better (relatively speaking), but I still didn't feel like I could take an increase. So, today I stayed at the 14 drops and the morning was much better.  I just took my second dose of the day, and I feel more symptoms creeping in, but I'm going to fight. This break today is a gift from God, and it's enough that it gives me the courage and strength to increase to 15 tonight or tomorrow. To fight another day. To keep waiting and trusting what He is doing.

Much of the sickness means it's dying. We believe it is now dying faster than it's reproducing. We pray that it's doing the job the research says it does and is killing everything bacterial in every hidden place.

Please pray that I have strength and courage to keep facing this even when it grows so intense. That I won't quit. The higher dose I can handle, the better the chances, and the shorter the time. God has brought me here, and I plan to faithfully follow what He has laid out for me. Pray for God's mercy in the symptoms and continued breaks that give time to breathe and renewed strength. Pray for my children and husband as they stand by me every day. Pray that we will soon see His blessed healing and glory to Him!

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry that you're going through so much! I'm glad that you got a little break from the really intense stuff! I love the encouraging words that God gave you to cling to. I'll keep praying for you and for your sweet family. Love you!