Twenty-Six Days and Counting....Hope

Last spring, not long after I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease, and long before we realized what a long road it would be, we made reservations for Feb. 2013 for Disney World, thinking that was plenty of time for me to be better. ha. Obviously, that was before we had done very much research on how devastating Lyme Disease is. But, as time has passed, we refused to cancel those reservations, trusting, hoping that God would heal me enough to be able to go.

So, here we are, and it's Jan. ....

Before you scoff and roll your eyes about it being so important to me to go to Disney World....it's not about DW. 

At this moment, 26 days before we are supposed to leave, I cannot even fathom making one day of the 2 day car trip to get there. I can't even fathom taking a shower without having to rest.  Much less spending 5 days in Disney parks. So, why do I keep hoping? Why did we pay our campground and tickets in full on Dec. 20th?

Because I need to hope. That hope has stayed alive in me for all these months. Because in mid Dec. when I got an email from the travel agent saying that our balance was due on Dec. 20th (I thought it was mid Jan!), we were trusting God to bring in enough finances to get us through Christmas. Two days later, he brought us much more than that, and a peace to pay our trip balance. Because giving up right now feels like not trusting God. Because my kids need to hope.

I like DW just fine, and I have fun doing it with my girls (all 4! :) ) , but we certainly didn't plan this trip for James and me. I'm sure it won't take much stretch to guess that my dream Feb. destination would be to ..... oh, say...the Caribbean! We planned this trip because I have a teen who gets plain 'ole giggly thinking about going to Disney (she's currently about to "bust a gut" counting down the days!) Because she's growing up way too fast, and though, I know next year she'll still love Disney, we really wanted to do this this year. Because I have 2 children who have spent the last year and much of the 6 months before that hearing me say, "I'm sorry I can't go", "I'm sorry I can't come watch you this year", "I'm sorry we can't take a trip" (traveling is in our blood!...no matter what country it was born in!). It has been a year of sacrifice for them, too. They have been so sweet, so gracious, so loving, so patient, so giving. I'm asking God to please not make me have to say, "I'm sorry. We can't go." They know it's a possibility, and I know they'll be okay if it comes to that. I know there will be growth in it and there will be other times. I know the Lord has it covered no matter what. But, this is my heart's desire, and I grieve when I think of it not happening. It wouldn't matter where the trip was planned. I want to give them this gift. 

I'm sure it's easy to guess that it's important to me personally, emotionally, as well. I'm READY to be well. I've mentioned a few times how hard this last month has been. Though it hasn't been as tough emotionally this past week, I'm ready ~A year of barely leaving the house, going out on their birthdays or shopping a handful of times and paying for it the next day or two, missing the girls' activities, staying home while James takes them to the zoo, corn maze, etc.  God has been so gracious to me. He's given me peace, hope, and contentment throughout this past year that was way beyond my comprehension. But, I'm ready. Making (and surviving!) this trip is important to me. Again, if I can't make it, God is still good. He will use it, He will strengthen me, He will still be my hope. But, I'm asking God to please let me do this. Please give me another miracle. 

Practically speaking....we know I am healing, we know that even though I don't feel any better, my body is changing, and that it is actually normal to feel worse as it changes and healing starts to happen. My diet is pretty strict and appropriate, which is important in healing, my supplements are what my body needs, and I'm getting extra treatments from the Ondamed. The other 2 biggies are avoiding stress...trying, and taking some more steps to avoid stressful people and situations for the time being.... and resting~ lying down, preferably sleeping for at least an hour a day. I usually have to lie down a few times a day, but working on making one of them at least an hour and napping, not just resting. As for the trip, we are taking our time traveling, getting there early enough that I can spend the afternoon before resting, taking a day off between each day in the park for me to rest, and doing the whole thing in a wheelchair. (Even though, sitting is much, much better than standing/walking, for right now, sitting still fatigues me, and I need to lie down periodically.)


God has whispered to me several times the last couple of weeks, "I will fight for you. You need only to be still." So, I'm spending even more time this month being still before Him, resting, listening, waiting. And, hoping. 

I know in the grand scheme of life, this trip to Disney isn't important, but right now, in our life, it is. If you feel led, please whisper a prayer...or 10!...that God would show His undeserved favor, and allow my body to be well enough to make and enjoy this trip....and "like" or leave a comment to let me know you are, or even that you don't think this is really stupid. :)