Fighting Discouragement

I just got up from a nap feeling really rotten, so exhausted that I feel like I could just wilt onto the floor, just sitting here. So exhausted, I almost feel nauseous. So exhausted that I have been having trouble making complete thoughts on anything of any depth. 

 I sat on the couch next to Marissa thinking, "I have no earthy desire to decorate for Christmas." I really don't, especially knowing I'll mostly just be able to watch. I can reach into the recesses of logic, and know that probably in a day or 2, I will begin to get some energy back, and perhaps the desire will change. That it probably stems from the exhaustion.

But, as I sat processing the lack of desire and digging for that logic, I realized I am very discouraged this afternoon. And, I know that will pass, too. But, right now, it's a struggle. Many people will say they know how I feel, but only a few really do. To know that all I did to get to this totally sick, exhausted place was to: take a shower 3 days in a row (no, I can't do that, and normally don't, so don't drop by without a day's notice), go outside and enjoy watching my family play, and helped with a very few things in the kitchen for Thanksgiving preparations. This is day 2 of nothing but rest, and it's no better.

This is not a daily struggle by any means. Just sometimes when the biggness of this disease hits me. When the knowledge that so little causes this. That's when the walls start closing in, and the enemy tries to convince me that life will always be this way. And, if you want to know realistically, for some people with Lyme disease, it IS always this way. The enemy tries to convince me that I am no different, there is no hope in having a life outside these walls again, that I am alone, that God and everyone else has forgotten me. 

On the good days, I have not accepted that this is all there is, and we believe the Lord has led us to this path and to His healing. We know I have made some progress, and believe He has made promises. But, some days I have to say, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief." This afternoon is one of those times. One of those struggles. One of those days that I just need a good cry. And, He will help my unbelief. He will strengthen me again. This disease is evil and God did not give it to me, but He is using it for good. I have seen it. I have experienced it. I am even thankful for it, because what He has done for me in the spiritual has been worth the cost. And, yet, some moments are weary. I will be very happy to move on and out of this season. I will thank Him for it, and thank Him for it being over.

Seven and a Half

#1 I am absolutely in no way superstitious or consider this superstitious.
#2 I don't know whether any of this has any relevance to anything except to be quite interesting.
#3 But, God...... I don't begin to know at this moment what He has going on. Maybe they are significant numbers that I may or may not ever know. (I know 7 is the number of completion in the Bible, but 7 1/2?) As for this post, it's just to share the funness of how things have played out so far. 

For some unknown reason back in the earlier summer, I counted how long it had been .... I don't remember what....from the time I got sick in July 2011 to the time we discovered I had Lyme disease, maybe? Then something made me count another time period. Odd. So I counted another. And, this is how it played out~

~From the time we are pretty certain I got my deer tick friend in 2004 until the time I started having health issues in 2005, was right at 7 1/2 months.  
~From the time we are pretty certain I got my deer tick friend in 2004 until the time I started having health issues again in 2011 was  just over 7 1/2 years.
~From the time I got really sick and my body shut down in 2011 until the time I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease in 2012 was 7 1/2 months.

Weird. Amazing. Huh.

So, naturally, the next thing my mind did was count.... when would 7 1/2 months be from the time I was diagnosed? End of October. I shared it with James, and we both pondered it, but in the end, I decided I didn't want to try to be putting something there that wasn't, so I put it out of my mind. Until last week. It struck me. 
It was the end of October when I had my jaw dropping news that the Lyme and Staph numbers suddenly jumped and not traceable in my body (and we now find out the Staph was totally gone). 7 1/2 months. 
~And..... from the time I first started having health issues in 2005 until the time my numbers became untraceable is right at 7 1/2 years.

Not one to leave well enough alone, I had to know when the next 7 1/2 months would be, even though I have no desire, and hope I don't have to, wait that long for another milestone. So, what is 7 1/2 months from the end of Oct.? My birthday. : ) Really. June 15th.