Comparisons...Whose Standard?

 *Even though this was written to and about homeschool moms, it is an applicable principle to everyone. I wrote this yesterday in response to a growing burden I had watching homeschool moms ask questions and leave comments on a facebook page this past week.*

"When they... compare themselves with one another they are without understanding and behave unwisely," 2 Corinthians 10:12

They had set themselves as a standard and were comparing themselves to each other instead of looking to God.

I have been homeschooling for 19 years, and I have been guilty of falling into this trap in the past. And, I see SO many homeschool moms who not only fall into it, but live in it. It is probably especially true of new homeschoolers. We feel like we need a standard...a safety net. We need rules, we need the "right" curriculum, and we compare. Oh! do we compare!! We will either use the public school system that most of us grew up in, or we use other homeschool families. And, when those families are outspoken (and especially if they seem to be doing and accomplishing so much more than we are), either they set themselves up as a standard, or we, in our insecurity, set them up as a standard. But, God needs to be our standard!! It is okay to look to other moms for advice, to glean ideas, to get encouragement, but never judge how you should teach and parent your children off of what that perfect looking family or curriculum says. Go to God! He knows your children. He knows their needs. There's a good chance He is expressing himself through them...we just don't always listen. If HE says there needs to be a change (and that voice will not be condemning!), then listen. Seek out other moms who are on the path that you feel God calling your family. Ask for their input, but continue to let your Father be your standard and guide. Tune the other voices out.

If after reading a post here or any blog, magazine, etc., you feel like a failure, you feel like you're failing your children, or you feel panicked to change things, go to the Father. It's probably comparison or the enemy seeking to steal your peace and destroy the good you are doing. Ask God if there needs to be a change. He will give you peace that passes understanding in His calling for your life.

New or struggling homeschool moms (and those with kids transitioning into high school), you are their mom for a reason. God called you to teach them at home for a reason. Trust your mom instincts given to you by God. Ask Him to show you and teach you. To lead you to the right path for your children. Do not panic over how the school or anyone else is doing it. Children learn in so many different ways. Learn how your children learn and do not be afraid to go that direction, even if you believe you are the only one. I can promise you that you aren't.

I do believe there are some rights and wrongs in teaching. There are some standards for every family that I believe come from God. Relationships should come before academics. God's calling on your child's life should come before academics (especially those that are just for the sake of academics.) Rest for the body and the mind are God's standard. Letting children be free to be children, not perfect little angels, who sit perfectly still, working for hours on something they hate or is of no significant value to God's plan for them. If we are frustrated, burned out, the children are frustrated and burned out, there is a standard...and we're following the wrong one. We always hear moms say that they just need to persevere and endure, when, in fact, God may be saying, "Come to Me. Rest. My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Thus says the Lord God,
“Behold, I will lift up My hand to the nations
And set up My standard to the peoples;
And they will bring your sons in their bosom,
And your daughters will be carried on their shoulders."

God has set a standard...a place for us to come to, look to, return to, in every part of our life. We look to Him and His word to find that standard for our family's life.

A Quiet Time

Yes, it has actually been a very quiet month in our home....in everyday life, if not in volume. I have been home~not out of town~since Dec. 20th. That is the longest stretch for me since April of last year! We have spent this month, just being. : ) And, actually, I gave my body a rest at one point, and did not leave my house for 15 days!!! Can you believe it? It was terrific!

In our home school, we are plugging along quite well. Daniella is whizzing through math, and loves it. She is still struggling with reading. The phonics thing is just not clicking, at least yet. I am not worried, but she gets frustrated because she wants to read so much. Most of the words that she can read at this point are words that she has just memorized their spelling. She can sound out words, but it is extremely laborious, and it never gets much better. Marissa could never read by phonics, so we may be taking that path with Daniella. We have finally reached a change, that I hope is permanent, in Marissa's attitude toward math. She struggles with it, therefore, she hates it. That part has not changed, but her willingness to sit down and just get the work done has changed for the better....much better. We are also enjoying a lapbook on the human body, especially Marissa. She finds it fascinating.

They both started piano lessons~ Daniella in Sept. and Marissa in Dec. We were quite surprised Marissa wanted to take, but so far she is persevering. We are also seeing the connection between being good at math and being good in music that we have always heard about.

James is in the midst of repainting a great deal of the inside of our house. Yay!! Nothing exciting. Just freshening it up, and getting rid of a wallpaper border in my living/dining area that was ancient. We are going to choose a new color, perhaps a smoky gray/blue for the foyer. We are also going to paint Briana's old bedroom, as we get rid of the little girl, and turn it into a guest room. sigh! : ) This past week, we went to Big Lots and bought a solid wood bed for that room for $150! The one in there is a rickety, old, worn out brass bed that she has had since she was three. We are all glad to see it go. : ) She bought her bed for her apt. at Big Lots, and has been thrilled with it. The quality is very good, and it is a beautiful sleigh bed, so we think we will like this new one. Ashley and I packed up a lot of the things Briana had left here and cleaned out her closet last week, too. AND! while we were at Big Lots, we used Christmas money from James' mother and bought a couch and love seat by Ashley Furniture for our den. I am so thankful to be rid of that 14 year old, green sectional! Well, almost rid of it. We have to get someone to help James haul it off, so right now both of them are in the den. Between that mess and the mess of all the moved furniture in the living/dining room because of painting, my house is quite the disaster area. I'm ready for furniture to start crawling back into it's place.

Ashley found out last week that a magazine article that she submitted to TOS is being published in the Spring issue! Very exciting for her....well, all of us! I was as excited as she was. She is absolutely loving her job at camp, and is so excited about the spring events and summer camps. It will be new to her, being in the roll of staff, and she's a little nervous, but it is going to be great. She loves her bosses, and they love her.

Briana will be opening in Annie next Friday night. We will be traveling over on Wed. so that James can take dress rehearsal pics on Wed. and Thurs., then we'll come home on Sun. afternoon. Can't wait to see it. Also, this week, she was ASKED to audition for a small cast show opening in March. This is a big deal to be asked to audition. This play is mostly professional actors. There will only be one or 2 in the cast of 9, who will not be professionals. She could be one of them! : ) The audition was today. There were 6 girls/women today auditioning for one role, and she was among the 3 who got called in for a 2nd reading!! Later, they texted her, and told her to come back Tues. for a call back. Whether she makes it or not (which would be so thrilling!), it was a super great experience for her today going through this different type of audition and doing cold readings of the part with these professionals. Plus, great that she was asked to audition and called back.

As for me, I started a Beth Moore Bible study a couple of weeks ago on Esther, and I have picked back up on my scrapbooking. I am working on a scrapbook of Briana's shows. I got Shenandoah finished, and am now tackling Hairspray. Talking about picture overload. Too many to choose from! It's fun, though.

Thank you to those who checked on me. Life has been full of God's presence, God's teachings, God's training, my stumbling, my learning, my leaning. We are still going through some spiritual trials with a loved one (not in my immediate family), and it keeps me on my knees...and on my face ....before the Lord. He has made us great and precious promises, and He is teaching me, in even a deeper way, to hang onto those and not take my eyes off of them or Him.

Letitia

Math Fun

  Marissa is pretty good at math, and she can enjoy the challenge when she lets herself.  The problem is she usually doesn't want to.  Today, however, we sat out on the porch swing to do her math because it was such a beautiful day, we didn't want to be cooped up inside.  She had learned how to do borrowing yesterday, and we practiced it today.  She got so excited.  Her daddy came in for lunch, and she literally squealed with excitement that she learned how to borrow.  Whose kid is this?!  The whole time we worked on her math, she had fun.  Maybe we'll do math outside everyday! 

    Another surprise today--my new table that they said would not be in until May 10, was delivered today!!!!   YEA!  It is beautiful, but it looks so out of place.  It's much too nice for my house.  We have neglected furniture around here for so long that it all is in extreme need of the dump.  It has been heavy on my heart to do things to make my home prettier for my family and myself.  So, my next want is either new bar stools which sit right next to the table, or a new love seat or sofa for the living room, which connects to the dining area.  The present one has a huge hole in it and is quite worn.   Time to start praying again!   Should I be bold enough to pray for both?  : ) 

  Our family will be spending the afternoon at our homeschool talent show tomorrow, which Maria helped organize.  Marissa (8) will be singing, Daniella (4) is showing a painting she did, and Briana (16) is playing a piano/violin duet with another homeschooler.  She's the piano part.  She is also supposed to be singing, so she is praying this leftover congestion from a headcold she has had will be better tomorrow. 

   The clutter is calling.  I am dejunking, and it is going very slowly.  Better get busy tackling it again.

The Habit of Asking Forgiveness

When my 2 teenagers were little and they hurt one another or had an argument, after they calmed down, I would make them apologize to each other, give a hug, smile at each other, and say "I love you."  The smiling thing usually made them giggle, and they were on their way playing again.  Were they always sorry?  Of course not!  Were they ever sorry?  I don't have a clue.  I require the same of my younger two now. 
   Some may argue that I shouldn't try to force them to be sorry, I shouldn't allow them to fake being sorry, or that I'm wasting my time and being manipulated.  You might be right.  But,  I don't think so.  My older girls, Ashley and Briana, ages 19 and 16, were discussing this with me the other night, and they agree that even though they didn't always mean it when they said they were sorry, that they think it was a good thing.  They said that it got them into the "habit" of asking forgiveness.  In other words, as they got older, they were used to acknowledging another's feelings, and they eventually began to own it for themselves.  Their brains and mouths were used to the words, "I'm sorry" and "I forgive you", so there was not a gigantic prideful issue to overcome.
   Is this fool proof?  No.  It only works along with the Holy Spirit.  It is just one of the many training tools used by parents to teach their children to be respectful.  But, only through the work of the Holy Spirit will they truly own it for themselves and have a heart of love, compassion, and empathy for other people. 
   Those 2 girls are such a joy to be with.  They are also best friends. They love their Lord, and He has blessed them with hearts of love, compassion, and loyalty.  And, to think, God was able to use a few of my little efforts, and He was able to do that in spite of my many shortcomings. 
   As an added note--homeschooling, which we used to think only really weird people did, among other things, also played a big part in their friendship developing as it has. 
  I am so thankful for all these blessings.
Letitia
P.S.  Look for my avatar to change.  Some people were tired of me looking like an axe murderer in my posts!  : )  So, I'm giving up my night job, and I'll show you (if you're brave enough) what I look like on my day job. 

Introduction

Hi All,

   My name is Letitia, and I homeschool in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee.  (Does that mean I can officially join the Smoky Mountain Gang online, too?!)  As my profile says, we have been homeschooling for 12 years, since our oldest was in 2nd grade.  She graduated from our homeschool last year.  Ashley is now 19, and taking online courses in creative writing, along with volunteering, occassional mission trips, taking ballet (her 16th year), helping me out with her sisters, and going to two Bible studies.  Briana is 16, a junior, ready to drive, is in her 13th year of ballet, her 12th year of piano, and loves drama and singing.  She is also a tremendous blessing and help to me.  Marissa is 8, and is my true drama queen.  She takes tumbling, and loves horses, playing baseball with her dad, mud, and many other active things--and not so active ones like the computer.  Daniella will be 5 in April, and she is our little fireball.  She is never still, and she is the queen of facial expressions.  She is the best hugger in the world!  Marissa and Daniella were both born in Guatemala, and the Lord blessed us extraordinarily by bringing them into our family.  Maybe I'll tell about their stories one day.

   The Lord has blessed me with a super patient husband, and we are seeking to continually grow together in the Lord-individually, as a couple, and as parents.

   Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you'll comment often on our crazy, eventful life where we seek to honor the Lord.