In an effort to not talk too much on facebook about my health, and in a flood of stuff happening in the last few weeks, I wanted to write down a few things in a more organized way. There seem to be some puzzle pieces coming together, and we pray they are going to get us much closer to a complete picture.
A quick mention for those not on facebook, May-the first of Aug, I did a very harsh, chemo-like treatment that killed a lot of stuff, but left me weak and still sick. This treatment kills and cleans out everything, even the fat cells where dead bacteria and toxins get stored. This was a kind of hail Mary that we think worked in a lot of ways, but didn't fix everything. There is still so much damage from 11 years of Lyme, and right now it's hard to tell what's damage and what's leftover Lyme...if any.
Last week we did some new testing that computer scans every system of the body, and gives a lot of information about what is effecting it. That includes bacteria, viruses, weakened organs, environmental factors, etc.
Some of the more significant things we found~
1. My cellular energy is very low. On the 1-10 scale with 10 being the worst, it was a 10. Cells produce ATP, which give our body energy to function. My cells aren't doing that, and it's from long term Lyme.
2. The ATP from the cells give our bodies the energy to push toxins from our bodies when we detox. Without the ATP, my body doesn't have the energy to do that well, even with supplements. So, I'm killing off all of this bacteria and toxins, but it's struggling to get out of my body, and that makes me sicker and weaker, which means my body doesn't have the energy to get rid of it, and it goes round and round.
3. I have known for at least a year that I sometimes have issues with EMFs from electricity, cell phones, computers, laptops, etc. Feeling the effects of that seems to come in stages. I have one medical office I go to that always effects me. It's their fluorescent lights, even though I don't feel that anywhere else with the lights. Something about these makes my nervous system shut down. I have to wait in the car until they call me for my appointment, then I go straight to the back where they have turned off the lights and have non-fluorescent lamps. At any rate, we had kind of thought I was doing okay with most of it, since I don't have that kind of reaction to anything else anymore. The tests showed otherwise. The EMFs are apparently having a huge impact on me, and are making me sick, and keeping me from healing.
4. I am in chronic dehydration, even though I drink usually almost a gallon and a half of water per day.
In response to these test results, a few things are happening.
1. I have started using an ionic foot bath. I was already doing detox, but this one uses the electricity for the energy to pull the toxins out, since the cells don't provide it. I can feel it pulling things out stronger than just the regular salt detox. Getting the toxins out will help the cells heal so that they can produce energy again...besides the fact that I need the toxins out anyway.
2. I have begun 3 supplements to strengthen and restore the ATP.
3. I need a system to block the EMFs. One was recommended to us, and James has researched them. There are 2 parts, and both parts are needed because they overlap. One is a whole house system, and one is a personal one in the form of a bracelet. One or the other would be helpful, but not enough. The bracelet is especially needed in addition to the house one for sleep and for when I leave the house. But, the bracelet doesn't provide everything needed on it's own. Plus the fact that Lyme gave me skin sensitivity..."hyper sensitive to touch", so I don't know if I can wear the bracelet 24/7.
Besides that all of this will be the missing pieces to this puzzle, the prayer request is to be able to buy these EMF protectors. Together they are $610, plus shipping. We already spend over $1,000 a month on doctor visits, Lyme treatments, and supplements to keep me functioning, and we don't have an income. The Lord has blessed us amazingly, and He gives us what we need at just the moment we don't know how we will keep going. We don't have the money for this, but we are asking Him to provide this protection so that I can fully heal.
I am already feeling the effects of these changes..the ionic foot bath and the new supplements. I have been extremely fatigued and having other detox symptoms, especially today. We believe He is the one revealing to us at just the right time what the next steps are, and we are trusting Him for the full restoration that we believe He has promised.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Ready to Quit
Y'all....yesterday I was ready to quit.
It was a hard, hard day, and I was so very sick. That was actually day 3 of being too sick to function, but it had gotten increasingly worse each day. I knew yesterday that this was just the beginning, and I honestly didn't know how I was going to take one more breath this way.
After cutting the new treatment down for the trip to 9 drops 3 times per day, I had started increasing them by one drop (3 times per day) last Wed. night. When I got to 13 drops, it turned ugly. I stayed at 13 the next day, and even though it was very hard, I went to 14 yesterday. The fatigue so strong and difficult that you really aren't sure you're going to live. (I am not exaggerating.) Weak. Nausea all day long. Severe back pain when I moved. Nerves frayed. Nerve endings in my back so frayed that it feels like it will send you over the edge for a shirt to even touch it. Off and on stabbing pain in my throat. Feeling of constant heartburn in my chest (though it wasn't really heartburn). Heart pounding. Already major sensory issues turned up a notch. All of this caused by 2 things~ Toxins released into my body from Lyme die-off and viruses being activated by the treatment.
In the midst of this yesterday, I read this~
What are you growing impatient to see? Are you ready to give up? If it’s something worth waiting for, please hang on.
Don’t try a short cut. Don’t abandon hope. But rather submit your plans to God, and ask for more of His Spirit in your life to endure the wait.
I’m pretty sure it will be worth it in the end.
- Glynnis Whitwer
I knew that was for me. It didn't make me stop wanting to quit. But, I kept praying through it. I praised. I had a chiropractor appointment yesterday, and that helped, since it helps detox and usually helps my fatigue short term. I have also increased several supplements when these attacks hit, and they do help some, but on a day like yesterday, it was not very noticeable. I had a lull last night, and felt much better (relatively speaking), but I still didn't feel like I could take an increase. So, today I stayed at the 14 drops and the morning was much better. I just took my second dose of the day, and I feel more symptoms creeping in, but I'm going to fight. This break today is a gift from God, and it's enough that it gives me the courage and strength to increase to 15 tonight or tomorrow. To fight another day. To keep waiting and trusting what He is doing.
Much of the sickness means it's dying. We believe it is now dying faster than it's reproducing. We pray that it's doing the job the research says it does and is killing everything bacterial in every hidden place.
Please pray that I have strength and courage to keep facing this even when it grows so intense. That I won't quit. The higher dose I can handle, the better the chances, and the shorter the time. God has brought me here, and I plan to faithfully follow what He has laid out for me. Pray for God's mercy in the symptoms and continued breaks that give time to breathe and renewed strength. Pray for my children and husband as they stand by me every day. Pray that we will soon see His blessed healing and glory to Him!
It was a hard, hard day, and I was so very sick. That was actually day 3 of being too sick to function, but it had gotten increasingly worse each day. I knew yesterday that this was just the beginning, and I honestly didn't know how I was going to take one more breath this way.
After cutting the new treatment down for the trip to 9 drops 3 times per day, I had started increasing them by one drop (3 times per day) last Wed. night. When I got to 13 drops, it turned ugly. I stayed at 13 the next day, and even though it was very hard, I went to 14 yesterday. The fatigue so strong and difficult that you really aren't sure you're going to live. (I am not exaggerating.) Weak. Nausea all day long. Severe back pain when I moved. Nerves frayed. Nerve endings in my back so frayed that it feels like it will send you over the edge for a shirt to even touch it. Off and on stabbing pain in my throat. Feeling of constant heartburn in my chest (though it wasn't really heartburn). Heart pounding. Already major sensory issues turned up a notch. All of this caused by 2 things~ Toxins released into my body from Lyme die-off and viruses being activated by the treatment.
In the midst of this yesterday, I read this~
What are you growing impatient to see? Are you ready to give up? If it’s something worth waiting for, please hang on.
Don’t try a short cut. Don’t abandon hope. But rather submit your plans to God, and ask for more of His Spirit in your life to endure the wait.
I’m pretty sure it will be worth it in the end.
- Glynnis Whitwer
I knew that was for me. It didn't make me stop wanting to quit. But, I kept praying through it. I praised. I had a chiropractor appointment yesterday, and that helped, since it helps detox and usually helps my fatigue short term. I have also increased several supplements when these attacks hit, and they do help some, but on a day like yesterday, it was not very noticeable. I had a lull last night, and felt much better (relatively speaking), but I still didn't feel like I could take an increase. So, today I stayed at the 14 drops and the morning was much better. I just took my second dose of the day, and I feel more symptoms creeping in, but I'm going to fight. This break today is a gift from God, and it's enough that it gives me the courage and strength to increase to 15 tonight or tomorrow. To fight another day. To keep waiting and trusting what He is doing.
Much of the sickness means it's dying. We believe it is now dying faster than it's reproducing. We pray that it's doing the job the research says it does and is killing everything bacterial in every hidden place.
Please pray that I have strength and courage to keep facing this even when it grows so intense. That I won't quit. The higher dose I can handle, the better the chances, and the shorter the time. God has brought me here, and I plan to faithfully follow what He has laid out for me. Pray for God's mercy in the symptoms and continued breaks that give time to breathe and renewed strength. Pray for my children and husband as they stand by me every day. Pray that we will soon see His blessed healing and glory to Him!
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Escaping Reality....Reality
Most people who read this blog see it through Facebook, so you know that we just returned from 10 nights at Disney World ...5 days in parks, and 5 rest days between, though a couple of them weren't complete rest days. It was Marissa's 18th birthday/graduation trip. I had so much fun with the girls and laughed a lot. I also fought a huge physical battle.
I know the Lord helped me, because there is no other way I could have gotten through a trip like that, especially with the new treatment I started and how much sicker I have been since Dec. and more so since April. I went to Disney just over 2 years ago, and He gave me such a miracle that trip. This one was a little lighter on the miracle, and heavier on the helping me through it even though it was tough. Still it was not without some huge things. Lyme has been making my back hurt for a couple of months. A LOT. Severe, gasping pain when I move. But, during the trip, it never hurt once. A huge blessing! (It greeted me again yesterday.) And, despite times of being very sick, there were many times, especially through the days at the park, that He sustained me and gave me strength I don't usually have and kept me going when I didn't feel like I could.
We purposefully checked out of the campground late the day we left (Okay. So we didn't plan to be quite THAT late!), and it was dark as we drove out. I looked out the window, watching small lakes and palm trees (have I mentioned how much I adore palm trees? and, Florida?) quickly go past, and silent tears began to slide down my cheeks. The escape from reality was over. See, even though I couldn't have put my body through another day in the park no matter what, and even though I was drinking a Lyme treatment 3 times a day and having to plan our park meals around them plus extra pills through the day to keep me functioing, and even though I was having to take every other day off to stay in bed, and even though by evening every day, I was so exhausted I could barely get out of the wheelchair....I could almost forget how sick I am.
Getting away from sitting in the house every day, day in and day out, mostly spending my time alone, seldom with any trips away from the house except for doctor appointments, and doing something that is actually fun, is unbelievably freeing. Even when my current definition of fun is not always what most people think of fun....though I had some of that this trip, too. To just be away from doctor appointments, to be out of the house, to do those fun things, to see my children laugh and make memories, to escape the everyday realities, makes it almost possible to just forget if even for a short time.
So, leaving was hard. Knowing what reality would be when I got back was hard. But, God is in the hard, and He continues to help me here, too, just as He always has. (That's not to say that I don't laugh, have fun with my family, and make memories here. It's just different to be away. Just like any vacation, but infinitely more.)
So, reality. Reality is that I was so exhausted and weak, James had to support me to get in the house when we got home. After a day of rest, Daniella had a dance recital, so I pulled out reserves I didn't really have, and God helped me be a dance mom that day. I got out the hot sets and a curling iron and spent over an hour giving ringlets to a sweetheart who has such a massive amount of hair you couldn't imagine. And, off we went. She did awesome, by the way!
I've been resting for 2 1/2 days since the recital, and it's the 5th day we've been home from the trip, and I am barely functioning a lot of the day. The rest of the day, it's still tougher than normal. I'm not recovering very well, and actually feel much worse. A number of struggles besides fatigue and weakness. I had hoped to be able to start increasing my dosage of treatments back by now, but my body is not strong enough to handle any more yet. It's hard not to be discouraged and lose hope. God and my husband keep pulling me back to hope, though. Hope that this is not forever. Hope to keep going and fighting and to keep drinking nasty tasting treatments.
We do know the treatments are making an impact on the Lyme. That's why I am sicker. The ones I have done since Oct. were making an impact, but the Lyme was reproducing faster than it was being killed. I'm not responding like all his other Lyme patients. (I've heard that one before from all 3 doctors!) So, we try this new one. It, too, is killing it. Killing Lyme means getting worse before you get better. And, worse I am. I can tell a difference with this new one; that it is doing more and killing more. The side effects of the die off (not the actual treatment) are much worse as it fights to stay alive, moving to different areas, and it releases and floods the body with toxins. Which may be part of what I am experiencing since being back. Some of this could actually be feeling horrible from that instead of not recovering, although I do feel worse now at a lower dosage than I did at the higher dosage before we left. It could be a combination of treatment and trip. (I decreased it for the trip, so that I could make it through. I couldn't do anything the week before we left, so I went from 22 drops 3 times a day down to 9 drops 3 times a day.) If I am able to start increasing it again, I will probably get worse still. The goal is 25 drops 3 times a day, adding no more than one drop per day. It's scary, but not doing it is even scarier. Because not ever being out of this place of sickness is the scariest of all. So, as hard and terrifying as it can all be some days, we step out in faith when it's time, and pray that God uses it to glorify Him and bring healing to my body and for the sake of our family. He has continued to lead us every step, so even when the emotions are overwhelmed, the faith says that God is faithful and will do what He has promised.
Thank you to all who pray!
Our first day in Magic Kingdom
Our graduate with Mickey!
Goofy coming over and kissing my hand :)
I know the Lord helped me, because there is no other way I could have gotten through a trip like that, especially with the new treatment I started and how much sicker I have been since Dec. and more so since April. I went to Disney just over 2 years ago, and He gave me such a miracle that trip. This one was a little lighter on the miracle, and heavier on the helping me through it even though it was tough. Still it was not without some huge things. Lyme has been making my back hurt for a couple of months. A LOT. Severe, gasping pain when I move. But, during the trip, it never hurt once. A huge blessing! (It greeted me again yesterday.) And, despite times of being very sick, there were many times, especially through the days at the park, that He sustained me and gave me strength I don't usually have and kept me going when I didn't feel like I could.
We purposefully checked out of the campground late the day we left (Okay. So we didn't plan to be quite THAT late!), and it was dark as we drove out. I looked out the window, watching small lakes and palm trees (have I mentioned how much I adore palm trees? and, Florida?) quickly go past, and silent tears began to slide down my cheeks. The escape from reality was over. See, even though I couldn't have put my body through another day in the park no matter what, and even though I was drinking a Lyme treatment 3 times a day and having to plan our park meals around them plus extra pills through the day to keep me functioing, and even though I was having to take every other day off to stay in bed, and even though by evening every day, I was so exhausted I could barely get out of the wheelchair....I could almost forget how sick I am.
Getting away from sitting in the house every day, day in and day out, mostly spending my time alone, seldom with any trips away from the house except for doctor appointments, and doing something that is actually fun, is unbelievably freeing. Even when my current definition of fun is not always what most people think of fun....though I had some of that this trip, too. To just be away from doctor appointments, to be out of the house, to do those fun things, to see my children laugh and make memories, to escape the everyday realities, makes it almost possible to just forget if even for a short time.
So, leaving was hard. Knowing what reality would be when I got back was hard. But, God is in the hard, and He continues to help me here, too, just as He always has. (That's not to say that I don't laugh, have fun with my family, and make memories here. It's just different to be away. Just like any vacation, but infinitely more.)
So, reality. Reality is that I was so exhausted and weak, James had to support me to get in the house when we got home. After a day of rest, Daniella had a dance recital, so I pulled out reserves I didn't really have, and God helped me be a dance mom that day. I got out the hot sets and a curling iron and spent over an hour giving ringlets to a sweetheart who has such a massive amount of hair you couldn't imagine. And, off we went. She did awesome, by the way!
I've been resting for 2 1/2 days since the recital, and it's the 5th day we've been home from the trip, and I am barely functioning a lot of the day. The rest of the day, it's still tougher than normal. I'm not recovering very well, and actually feel much worse. A number of struggles besides fatigue and weakness. I had hoped to be able to start increasing my dosage of treatments back by now, but my body is not strong enough to handle any more yet. It's hard not to be discouraged and lose hope. God and my husband keep pulling me back to hope, though. Hope that this is not forever. Hope to keep going and fighting and to keep drinking nasty tasting treatments.
We do know the treatments are making an impact on the Lyme. That's why I am sicker. The ones I have done since Oct. were making an impact, but the Lyme was reproducing faster than it was being killed. I'm not responding like all his other Lyme patients. (I've heard that one before from all 3 doctors!) So, we try this new one. It, too, is killing it. Killing Lyme means getting worse before you get better. And, worse I am. I can tell a difference with this new one; that it is doing more and killing more. The side effects of the die off (not the actual treatment) are much worse as it fights to stay alive, moving to different areas, and it releases and floods the body with toxins. Which may be part of what I am experiencing since being back. Some of this could actually be feeling horrible from that instead of not recovering, although I do feel worse now at a lower dosage than I did at the higher dosage before we left. It could be a combination of treatment and trip. (I decreased it for the trip, so that I could make it through. I couldn't do anything the week before we left, so I went from 22 drops 3 times a day down to 9 drops 3 times a day.) If I am able to start increasing it again, I will probably get worse still. The goal is 25 drops 3 times a day, adding no more than one drop per day. It's scary, but not doing it is even scarier. Because not ever being out of this place of sickness is the scariest of all. So, as hard and terrifying as it can all be some days, we step out in faith when it's time, and pray that God uses it to glorify Him and bring healing to my body and for the sake of our family. He has continued to lead us every step, so even when the emotions are overwhelmed, the faith says that God is faithful and will do what He has promised.
Thank you to all who pray!
Our first day in Magic Kingdom
Our graduate with Mickey!
Friday, March 6, 2015
Our First Grandchild!
On July 19, 2014, our daughter, Briana, gave birth to our first grandchild, Juliet McKay. She is a precious, beloved, gift from God. I was very blessed to spend the week before her birth with Briana and Troy, be there for her going into labor, being in the labor room with the two of them, and James, who joined me after the first week, and I stayed with them at their house for 2 weeks after her birth. The Lyme was in remission at this point, so even though I was still sick, God gave me enough to be there and do this with them, and I will forever be thankful!
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| My first chance to hold her. I'd been up for about 40 hours at this point! |
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| Daddy, Mama, and little Juliet McKay |
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| Her Pawpaw is in love with her. He joined us in spending many hours getting through those first 2 weeks. A small crisis and antibiotics at birth caused a little one to not be able to sleep unless she was being held by someone. |
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| One very happy, proud Aunt Daniella. She cried when she first saw her, and said she didn't know that God could make something so beautiful. |
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| Aunt Ashley flew from Alaska and made it two days after her birth. |
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| Pawpaw with daughter and granddaughter |
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| coming home |
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| Leaving after the 2 weeks was so hard. One of the hardest mother things I've had to do. Briana and I both cried and cried. |
Daily Taking the Next Step
Boy, this speaks to where I am. For me, tasks are not the issue (except the
tasks of doctors appointments and pills)...having nothing is the issue.
It's hard. It's lonely. As the Lyme is dying off this time, the
physical is getting harder and harder, and that makes the days harder. I
definitely cling to Him to take the next step, which is making it
through each day with joy and giving when there's not much to give, and
to have hope for the future. This season has had it's purposes,
and apparently still does, the fire has been turned up the last few
months, but I am praying for a vision.... a vision of what God wants to
do, is going to do, in our lives. It is definitely true that the only
way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God.
"…in much patience, in tribulations, in needs, in distresses. —2 Corinthians 6:4
When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life, and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to Him, in the reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. It takes much more of the grace of God, and a much greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step, than it does to preach the gospel.
Every Christian must experience the essence of the incarnation by bringing the next step down into flesh-and-blood reality and by working it out with his hands. We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you. Never allow yourself to think that some tasks are beneath your dignity or too insignificant for you to do, and remind yourself of the example of Christ in John 13:1-17". ~My Utmost For His Highest
When you have no vision from God, no enthusiasm left in your life, and no one watching and encouraging you, it requires the grace of Almighty God to take the next step in your devotion to Him, in the reading and studying of His Word, in your family life, or in your duty to Him. It takes much more of the grace of God, and a much greater awareness of drawing upon Him, to take that next step, than it does to preach the gospel.
Every Christian must experience the essence of the incarnation by bringing the next step down into flesh-and-blood reality and by working it out with his hands. We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our everyday life with its trivial tasks. The thing that really testifies for God and for the people of God in the long run is steady perseverance, even when the work cannot be seen by others. And the only way to live an undefeated life is to live looking to God. Ask God to keep the eyes of your spirit open to the risen Christ, and it will be impossible for drudgery to discourage you. Never allow yourself to think that some tasks are beneath your dignity or too insignificant for you to do, and remind yourself of the example of Christ in John 13:1-17". ~My Utmost For His Highest
Friday, January 9, 2015
Are You Stupid?
About
10 years or so ago, a heath care practitioner whom I was seeing wanted
me to give up Cokes, because let's face it....they destroy your body. I
wasn't drinking but about 8 oz a day, and I told her that probably
wouldn't happen. She softly rebuked me, and I was pretty aggravated with
her. Less than 2 hours later, the Lord answered me.
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid." ~Proverbs 12:1
Yes, the Lord just called me stupid. I laughed. Not disrespectfully, but because, boy, He didn't pull any punches.So, I quit drinking Cokes (except for rare occasions. I have been off of them completely for 3 years). I mean, you can't argue with God calling you stupid.
Is there something in your (and my) life that God is using someone or something to try to get your attention? Is there a habit or sin that He wants gone? Something that is destroying the temple of God? Whether that's physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Is He trying to get your attention to give up something or to start something? To slow down? To stay home more? To work less? Buy less? Give up junk food? Sugar? Smoking? A sinful intimate relationship? Temper tantrums if you don't get what you want? Are we just ignoring or getting aggravated at those around us who are directly or inadvertently showing us what God wants to make our lives better? More Holy. Is holding on to a food you love, or a habit you love, or the internet, or activities, or busyness, or an outright sin, or...... keeping you from God's best? And, yes, the things we put into our mouths, the choices we make with our time, can keep us from God's best. He loves us enough to say, "Stop this. Ignoring or hating correction is stupid. I want great things for you, and I'm trying to show you the way, but you are spoiled and don't want to work to have My best." We need to start paying closer attention to those nudges and those articles or comments that either convict us for half a second before we shut them down, or that we immediately scoff at and refuse to acknowledge because we don't want to give up our comforts or desires. Does it feel like you could never do it? Never stick to it or give it up? That it's too big for you? That's exactly where God will step in if we allow Him to. It may be a struggle, but He will help us when we are honoring Him with our lives.
" “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?” ~Jeremiah 32:27
"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?" ~1 Corinthians 6:19
Ask Him what you are doing or not doing (such as daily time with Him or eating healthy foods, etc.) that is hindering His best in your health, heart, and life~which hinders you giving your best for Him. He will show you, and He will give you the strength to do that thing. I'm working on it.
"Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid." ~Proverbs 12:1
Yes, the Lord just called me stupid. I laughed. Not disrespectfully, but because, boy, He didn't pull any punches.So, I quit drinking Cokes (except for rare occasions. I have been off of them completely for 3 years). I mean, you can't argue with God calling you stupid.
Is there something in your (and my) life that God is using someone or something to try to get your attention? Is there a habit or sin that He wants gone? Something that is destroying the temple of God? Whether that's physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Is He trying to get your attention to give up something or to start something? To slow down? To stay home more? To work less? Buy less? Give up junk food? Sugar? Smoking? A sinful intimate relationship? Temper tantrums if you don't get what you want? Are we just ignoring or getting aggravated at those around us who are directly or inadvertently showing us what God wants to make our lives better? More Holy. Is holding on to a food you love, or a habit you love, or the internet, or activities, or busyness, or an outright sin, or...... keeping you from God's best? And, yes, the things we put into our mouths, the choices we make with our time, can keep us from God's best. He loves us enough to say, "Stop this. Ignoring or hating correction is stupid. I want great things for you, and I'm trying to show you the way, but you are spoiled and don't want to work to have My best." We need to start paying closer attention to those nudges and those articles or comments that either convict us for half a second before we shut them down, or that we immediately scoff at and refuse to acknowledge because we don't want to give up our comforts or desires. Does it feel like you could never do it? Never stick to it or give it up? That it's too big for you? That's exactly where God will step in if we allow Him to. It may be a struggle, but He will help us when we are honoring Him with our lives.
" “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?” ~Jeremiah 32:27
"Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?" ~1 Corinthians 6:19
Ask Him what you are doing or not doing (such as daily time with Him or eating healthy foods, etc.) that is hindering His best in your health, heart, and life~which hinders you giving your best for Him. He will show you, and He will give you the strength to do that thing. I'm working on it.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
The Everlasting God
the Everlasting God ~Genesis 21:23, Is 40:28
underneath are the everlasting arms ~Duet. 33:27
His lovingkindness is everlasting ~1 Chron 16:34 (+42 other times!)
the truth of the Lord is everlasting ~Psalm 117:2
(His is) everlasting righteousness~Psalm 119:42, Daniel 9:24
every one of Your righteous ordinances is everlasting~Psalm 119:60
Your name, O Lord, is everlasting~Psalm 135:13
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom ~Psalm 145:13, Daniel 4:3
the righteous has an everlasting foundation~ Prov. 10:25
For in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock~ Isaiah 26:4
saved by the Lord With an everlasting salvation ~Isaiah 45:17
you will have the Lord for an everlasting light~Isaiah 60:19
make for Himself an everlasting name ~Is 63:12
He is the living God and the everlasting King ~Jeremiah 10:10
everlasting love ~Jer. 31:3
His dominion is an everlasting dominion~ Daniel 4:34; 7:14, 27
everlasting life ~Daniel 12:2
His ways are everlasting ~Habakkuk 3:6
underneath are the everlasting arms ~Duet. 33:27
His lovingkindness is everlasting ~1 Chron 16:34 (+42 other times!)
the truth of the Lord is everlasting ~Psalm 117:2
(His is) everlasting righteousness~Psalm 119:42, Daniel 9:24
every one of Your righteous ordinances is everlasting~Psalm 119:60
Your name, O Lord, is everlasting~Psalm 135:13
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom ~Psalm 145:13, Daniel 4:3
the righteous has an everlasting foundation~ Prov. 10:25
For in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock~ Isaiah 26:4
saved by the Lord With an everlasting salvation ~Isaiah 45:17
you will have the Lord for an everlasting light~Isaiah 60:19
make for Himself an everlasting name ~Is 63:12
He is the living God and the everlasting King ~Jeremiah 10:10
everlasting love ~Jer. 31:3
His dominion is an everlasting dominion~ Daniel 4:34; 7:14, 27
everlasting life ~Daniel 12:2
His ways are everlasting ~Habakkuk 3:6
If your life is hidden in God, if you have entrusted your life to
Christ by His finished work on the cross, then you have a firm
foundation. What peace.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Feeling Shattered
Yesterday afternoon and last night I felt shattered. You see, I knew I had felt like I was going slowly, steadily downhill the last 3 or 4 weeks. I knew I was getting more tired again and weaker, stressed easily, more teary. However, what I didn't expect was to go in yesterday and hear, "You're testing for a Lyme related bacteria again." At that moment, my hope and world shattered.
It shattered for my children. It shattered for my husband. It shattered for me.
In the Lyme world, this is not abnormal. Lyme is a nasty bacteria, that releases other bacteria into the body. All of this bacteria goes into the blood stream, the brain, organs, and eventually (after a just a few weeks) buries itself, hidden, in the blood cells. Antibiotics cannot reach the bacteria in the blood cells, so no one is ever truly healed of the Lyme. (If it's not caught in the first few weeks.) It's always there, and many people suffer forever, or it pops up at stressful times of life. The method of treatment we have chosen has been shown to do that...actually kill the Lyme for good, even in the blood cells.
So, when it showed up yesterday after a year, everything just crashed for me. God has been so amazingly wonderful to me, filled me with His grace, given me more patience, contentment, peace, hope, and abundance than I could have ever imagined. But, let's face it. I want out of this prison. I want to be well. I want to be well for my family. So much my heart wants to explode for them at times.
Physically, it wasn't the best for me (even in the wheelchair), but emotionally, I had already needed to get out and had already been thinking of going to the mall after my appointment, so we did. And, physically, it has had it's consequences, but emotionally, it was wonderful to be out in the stores. I was able to forget about Lyme Disease for a short time and enjoy the shoppers and Christmas music, and just seeing people.
And, then it was quiet. And, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I felt like I was starting over. I felt like the things I had so desperately hoped and prayed for for 2014 were lost. Things that I have a whole lot of emotion riding on. I felt like this will never end.
And my husband held me and let me sob. Then he told me how he had been back on the computer while I was getting ready for bed, and reading report after report that this treatment got rid of chronic Lyme in people. That they had gone for several years, still with no signs of the Lyme returning. We talked again, and I tried to soak it in, how this may not be Lyme returning at all, but that, even though it has been a year since I tested Lyme free, it may very well be one of the other bacteria that has been lurking and waiting. That this could actually be a good thing. That God has brought this bacteria now to the surface for it to be killed, too.
I went to bed, thinking, but not convinced of that. Still raw. Still devastated, but with a sliver of hope.
Then. I thanked God. He reminded me. I don't feel one bit thankful for this sickness, but I remembered that I can BE thankful. I can be thankful that we found it quickly, as James reminded me. Thankful that it hasn't had time to do any real damage. And, that's how I went to sleep. With some peace as I chose to thank God for those 2 things.
Today, I hold on to all of these things. Thankful (and actually feeling it a little) for finding it early. Hopeful that this treatment is where God led me and has the history of eradicating the bacteria completely. Thankful that I have a God, Healer, Savior who knows my heart's cry and listens, and who gives me strength to keep waiting and trusting.
I don't feel strong this morning, but I don't feel shattered, either. I feel Him putting the pieces back together. I know He will return my joy as I put my hope in Him, not in tests and treatments.
Last Saturday night...a week ago today...I was getting ready for bed (for bedtime is always when the emotions get so strong, right?), and I was crying out to the Lord, asking Him to show me something. It has been almost a year since I heard Him say anything specific to me about my healing, and though I still cling to those words, the weariness I felt these last 3 or 4 weeks had me needing to hear from Him. Honestly, I don't know if I expected it. Sunday morning, James came in from church to find me lying on the couch, where I had been all morning, too weak and tired to listen to and comprehend a sermon; discouraged. He, not knowing about my prayers the previous night, told me that Jerry, a sweet older man in the church, had come up to him before the service. He told James, "I'm praying for your wife. You know I've told you that before; that I pray for her." He went on to say that he had been praying for me that morning, getting ready for church, and that he "had a word from the Lord. She is going to be healed, and it's not going to be long. I don't know a time, but it's not long."
I have nothing to believe but that God answered my cry, and sent His word to me through what seems an unlikely place. It was not anything that *I* heard through prayer or the Word, so that I could worry that I had just heard what I wanted. (God knows our minds!!) It was through soft spoken, humble, elderly man whom I know only a little. I don't believe the timing was a coincidence either, so as I felt shattered last night, as I'm being put back together today, I hold on to what God has spoken, and trust that He is going to heal just as He has spoken.
Please pray for me. Pray for my family. Put us on your church or Bible study prayer lists. The enemy has been coming on strong for most of this year, but through our prayer, he will...already is....defeated. My heart aches for all that I have hoped for this next year, but He is good, and my aching heart trusts in that alone.
It shattered for my children. It shattered for my husband. It shattered for me.
In the Lyme world, this is not abnormal. Lyme is a nasty bacteria, that releases other bacteria into the body. All of this bacteria goes into the blood stream, the brain, organs, and eventually (after a just a few weeks) buries itself, hidden, in the blood cells. Antibiotics cannot reach the bacteria in the blood cells, so no one is ever truly healed of the Lyme. (If it's not caught in the first few weeks.) It's always there, and many people suffer forever, or it pops up at stressful times of life. The method of treatment we have chosen has been shown to do that...actually kill the Lyme for good, even in the blood cells.
So, when it showed up yesterday after a year, everything just crashed for me. God has been so amazingly wonderful to me, filled me with His grace, given me more patience, contentment, peace, hope, and abundance than I could have ever imagined. But, let's face it. I want out of this prison. I want to be well. I want to be well for my family. So much my heart wants to explode for them at times.
Physically, it wasn't the best for me (even in the wheelchair), but emotionally, I had already needed to get out and had already been thinking of going to the mall after my appointment, so we did. And, physically, it has had it's consequences, but emotionally, it was wonderful to be out in the stores. I was able to forget about Lyme Disease for a short time and enjoy the shoppers and Christmas music, and just seeing people.
And, then it was quiet. And, I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I felt like I was starting over. I felt like the things I had so desperately hoped and prayed for for 2014 were lost. Things that I have a whole lot of emotion riding on. I felt like this will never end.
And my husband held me and let me sob. Then he told me how he had been back on the computer while I was getting ready for bed, and reading report after report that this treatment got rid of chronic Lyme in people. That they had gone for several years, still with no signs of the Lyme returning. We talked again, and I tried to soak it in, how this may not be Lyme returning at all, but that, even though it has been a year since I tested Lyme free, it may very well be one of the other bacteria that has been lurking and waiting. That this could actually be a good thing. That God has brought this bacteria now to the surface for it to be killed, too.
I went to bed, thinking, but not convinced of that. Still raw. Still devastated, but with a sliver of hope.
Then. I thanked God. He reminded me. I don't feel one bit thankful for this sickness, but I remembered that I can BE thankful. I can be thankful that we found it quickly, as James reminded me. Thankful that it hasn't had time to do any real damage. And, that's how I went to sleep. With some peace as I chose to thank God for those 2 things.
Today, I hold on to all of these things. Thankful (and actually feeling it a little) for finding it early. Hopeful that this treatment is where God led me and has the history of eradicating the bacteria completely. Thankful that I have a God, Healer, Savior who knows my heart's cry and listens, and who gives me strength to keep waiting and trusting.
I don't feel strong this morning, but I don't feel shattered, either. I feel Him putting the pieces back together. I know He will return my joy as I put my hope in Him, not in tests and treatments.
Last Saturday night...a week ago today...I was getting ready for bed (for bedtime is always when the emotions get so strong, right?), and I was crying out to the Lord, asking Him to show me something. It has been almost a year since I heard Him say anything specific to me about my healing, and though I still cling to those words, the weariness I felt these last 3 or 4 weeks had me needing to hear from Him. Honestly, I don't know if I expected it. Sunday morning, James came in from church to find me lying on the couch, where I had been all morning, too weak and tired to listen to and comprehend a sermon; discouraged. He, not knowing about my prayers the previous night, told me that Jerry, a sweet older man in the church, had come up to him before the service. He told James, "I'm praying for your wife. You know I've told you that before; that I pray for her." He went on to say that he had been praying for me that morning, getting ready for church, and that he "had a word from the Lord. She is going to be healed, and it's not going to be long. I don't know a time, but it's not long."
I have nothing to believe but that God answered my cry, and sent His word to me through what seems an unlikely place. It was not anything that *I* heard through prayer or the Word, so that I could worry that I had just heard what I wanted. (God knows our minds!!) It was through soft spoken, humble, elderly man whom I know only a little. I don't believe the timing was a coincidence either, so as I felt shattered last night, as I'm being put back together today, I hold on to what God has spoken, and trust that He is going to heal just as He has spoken.
Please pray for me. Pray for my family. Put us on your church or Bible study prayer lists. The enemy has been coming on strong for most of this year, but through our prayer, he will...already is....defeated. My heart aches for all that I have hoped for this next year, but He is good, and my aching heart trusts in that alone.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Duck Dynasty: Are They Christians?
This is not particularly a post I want to write, because I know #1...somebody will get mad #2...most people will accuse me, defend their position, or not care or ask God. But... it keeps nagging me. For weeks. And, when something keeps nagging me, God won't let go of it until I say it.
Deep breath.
I will say up front, I have only tolerated through the show 2 or 3 times. The last time I got up and left after 15 min. because I couldn't stand it any longer. But, a whole lot can be gleaned in just a few shows, because, after all, it's the same thing over and over.
....And, when millions of people flock (excuse the unintended pun) to something and go on and on about it, and lift it up on this pedestal, that alone causes red flags to go off in my mind. But, after seeing many, many, many, many, many Christians go on and on about it, I gave it a chance. It failed on many fronts...aside from stupidity.
So..... why I believe Duck Dynasty and the Robertson Family may not be Christians and why the Christian community should not be jumping in hook, line, and sinker to support them. Keep reading, because it might surprise you~
1. Have you actually watched the show? I mean, really. They act rude, crude, sarcastic, mean spirited at times, selfish, extremely immature..... Where are those listed in the Bible as Godly traits? I missed that part. Where exactly are those family values everyone raves about?
I completely have a ridiculous sense of humor, so that's not the problem.
2. "But, they pray and eat together, and it's wholesome (see number 1) entertainment." I just read an article this afternoon in which Willie is quoted as having to remind his father that this is not "the '700 Club'." They do not consider this to be a Christian or family show, and he goes on to say that if somebody likes the fact that they eat together and laugh and have fun, that's just fine, but that's not what it's about; "it's a comedy" show. The "Christian" part is not what they intend it to be about.
The same article, along with another, went on to say that it's about comedy and making money. The older Robertson might be trying to say Jesus' name, but he's the only one, and that's not what they intend with the show. I have seen nothing about this show remotely Christian. (Holy, set apart, Christ like....)
3. The really hard part. I cannot judge the hearts of this family. That is something only God can do. However, I can look at what they teach and at the church they attend and make a judgement about what that "denomination" proclaims. I put the word denomination in quotes, because even they do not call themselves a denomination. Even though most Christians accept them as a denomination and as Christians, they pronounce that THEY are THE Lord's Church. Not the rest of us. Most of them do not believe the rest of us can be saved outside of their church.
This "church", as a whole, says the name Jesus, but they do not believe that Jesus' work on the cross alone and our entrusting our lives to that is enough. *The Robertson Family also preaches this.* They believe that you not only have to be baptized in order to be saved, but many of the congregations believe you must be baptized in THEIR church building by their preacher to be saved.
THIS IS NOT THE GOSPEL MESSAGE!
This "church" also believes that you have to keep up with certain legalistic rules in order to keep your salvation.
THIS IS NOT THE GOSPEL MESSAGE!
After studying this religion in depth, you will find there are so many twisted and abused scriptures it is frightening, yet Christians don't know better and jump in saying that this is a wholesome, Christian show and family. I believe we are held accountable for those words.
I posted a photo last week of a bird and its reflection in the water. Only it was not the bird's reflection, but a photo-shopped reflection. It just took a little inspection to see it was fake. I made the comment then that we are guilty of "liking" things so quickly because they look beautiful on the outside, but on closer inspection, we can see they are counterfeit. The religion that this family is part of is the same.
Many of those who have studied these things report that this "church" meets at least 4 out of the 5 criteria of a cult. Some believe it meets all 5. Some, stop short of saying it is a cult, but warn that it is a "false gospel that cannot save", and the Christian Apologetic site warns that Christians should stay away from this "church". This is a serious deal. And, Christians are unaware and supporting this. But, don't just take my word for it. Research it. Dig into their beliefs and dig into the Word of God. I cannot tell you 100% that this family is not saved..only God knows that. But, these are the unscriptural beliefs this family is aligning itself with and preach.
If you want to watch stupid shows on t.v., go ahead. I watch a couple that others would find stupid. But, we need to be very careful publicly proclaiming something of God without the careful inspection and knowing that what we are saying is truth.
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter." Matt. 7:21
And, what is the ultimate first will of the Father? Salvation. But, salvation cannot occur through a false gospel, and truly loving God and others cannot occur without salvation. Just because someone says the name of the Lord, does not mean they are a true follower of Christ. There are many false teachers and counterfeits whom Satan loves to use to lure us into a false belief of salvation. Know the Word. Know what you are supporting.
Deep breath.
I will say up front, I have only tolerated through the show 2 or 3 times. The last time I got up and left after 15 min. because I couldn't stand it any longer. But, a whole lot can be gleaned in just a few shows, because, after all, it's the same thing over and over.
....And, when millions of people flock (excuse the unintended pun) to something and go on and on about it, and lift it up on this pedestal, that alone causes red flags to go off in my mind. But, after seeing many, many, many, many, many Christians go on and on about it, I gave it a chance. It failed on many fronts...aside from stupidity.
So..... why I believe Duck Dynasty and the Robertson Family may not be Christians and why the Christian community should not be jumping in hook, line, and sinker to support them. Keep reading, because it might surprise you~
1. Have you actually watched the show? I mean, really. They act rude, crude, sarcastic, mean spirited at times, selfish, extremely immature..... Where are those listed in the Bible as Godly traits? I missed that part. Where exactly are those family values everyone raves about?
I completely have a ridiculous sense of humor, so that's not the problem.
2. "But, they pray and eat together, and it's wholesome (see number 1) entertainment." I just read an article this afternoon in which Willie is quoted as having to remind his father that this is not "the '700 Club'." They do not consider this to be a Christian or family show, and he goes on to say that if somebody likes the fact that they eat together and laugh and have fun, that's just fine, but that's not what it's about; "it's a comedy" show. The "Christian" part is not what they intend it to be about.
The same article, along with another, went on to say that it's about comedy and making money. The older Robertson might be trying to say Jesus' name, but he's the only one, and that's not what they intend with the show. I have seen nothing about this show remotely Christian. (Holy, set apart, Christ like....)
3. The really hard part. I cannot judge the hearts of this family. That is something only God can do. However, I can look at what they teach and at the church they attend and make a judgement about what that "denomination" proclaims. I put the word denomination in quotes, because even they do not call themselves a denomination. Even though most Christians accept them as a denomination and as Christians, they pronounce that THEY are THE Lord's Church. Not the rest of us. Most of them do not believe the rest of us can be saved outside of their church.
This "church", as a whole, says the name Jesus, but they do not believe that Jesus' work on the cross alone and our entrusting our lives to that is enough. *The Robertson Family also preaches this.* They believe that you not only have to be baptized in order to be saved, but many of the congregations believe you must be baptized in THEIR church building by their preacher to be saved.
THIS IS NOT THE GOSPEL MESSAGE!
This "church" also believes that you have to keep up with certain legalistic rules in order to keep your salvation.
THIS IS NOT THE GOSPEL MESSAGE!
After studying this religion in depth, you will find there are so many twisted and abused scriptures it is frightening, yet Christians don't know better and jump in saying that this is a wholesome, Christian show and family. I believe we are held accountable for those words.
I posted a photo last week of a bird and its reflection in the water. Only it was not the bird's reflection, but a photo-shopped reflection. It just took a little inspection to see it was fake. I made the comment then that we are guilty of "liking" things so quickly because they look beautiful on the outside, but on closer inspection, we can see they are counterfeit. The religion that this family is part of is the same.
Many of those who have studied these things report that this "church" meets at least 4 out of the 5 criteria of a cult. Some believe it meets all 5. Some, stop short of saying it is a cult, but warn that it is a "false gospel that cannot save", and the Christian Apologetic site warns that Christians should stay away from this "church". This is a serious deal. And, Christians are unaware and supporting this. But, don't just take my word for it. Research it. Dig into their beliefs and dig into the Word of God. I cannot tell you 100% that this family is not saved..only God knows that. But, these are the unscriptural beliefs this family is aligning itself with and preach.
If you want to watch stupid shows on t.v., go ahead. I watch a couple that others would find stupid. But, we need to be very careful publicly proclaiming something of God without the careful inspection and knowing that what we are saying is truth.
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter." Matt. 7:21
And, what is the ultimate first will of the Father? Salvation. But, salvation cannot occur through a false gospel, and truly loving God and others cannot occur without salvation. Just because someone says the name of the Lord, does not mean they are a true follower of Christ. There are many false teachers and counterfeits whom Satan loves to use to lure us into a false belief of salvation. Know the Word. Know what you are supporting.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Ashley's May Ministry Update
Hello from Alaska!
I'm sitting here in the Dining Hall at
camp, listening to various conversations among the staff around me,
eating trail mix, and looking out the window at a spectacular sunset
sky over the mountains and Berner's Bay. I feel like it's been years
since I last emailed you guys! It has been a few weeks, and a lot of
life has happened since then.
Again, I will list specific prayer
requests at the bottom of this email.
Retreat Season
Spring retreat season was great! We
hosted six groups ranging in size from 10 people to over 100. For
these retreats, we cooked and served meals, ran the zip line and
outdoor laser tag, led team-building activities, cleaned the
facilities, etc. It was great to be able to interact with these
diverse groups. Only one of them was actually a religious group (a
Christian school), so we had a lot of opportunity to interact with
people who don't know the Lord. We met some neat people and had some
good conversations. Please pray that the seeds that were planted
continue to be watered!
Counselors are here!
Our team of summer counselors arrived
this past Wednesday, and it's so exciting to have them here. They
have brought such a fresh energy and excitement to camp! We are in
the midst of Counselor Orientation right now. This summer staff is
made up of college-age young adults from all over the United States
(and one from Canada) who have committed their whole summer – and
paid $400 – to serve here at Echo Ranch. It has been so good to
get to know them over the past few days, hear their stories of how
God brought them here, and see their excitement for being here and
serving. I'm so thankful for each one of them and their sacrifice
and dedication to follow God to Alaska! Yesterday we spent several
hours doing team-building activities, and I was so blessed to see
them already working so well together as a team, and the support and
encouragement they gave each other during the challenges. It's going
to be a good summer, I think! :-) Please keep these young adults in
your prayers – I'll list a few specific names/requests below.
A little about life here...
Life here at Echo
Ranch is definitely different! One key aspect is how heavily
everything depends on the tide. Since the road ends 2 miles from
camp and we have to drive or walk on the beach to get into camp,
travel in and out is limited to certain times of day when the tide is
out. If someone needs to go in or out while the tide is high, we
have to take a boat!
All of our
electricity runs off a generator. Because of limited water
resources, those of us who live in the counselor dorm can only shower
every-other-day, and are not allowed to shower one hour before or
after meals (the dorm shares a building with the kitchen). The
internet is very limited, so we're not allowed to use anything but
email.
Of course, even
with these small annoyances, this is a beautiful place that I get to
live in for these few months. The bay and the mountains are
breathtaking. The sun sets at 9:30 pm and rises around 4:00 am right
now. Occasionally we see whales, seals, and eagles in the wild –
literally right in our front yard. Life in Alaska is different from
the Lower 48, and I'm so glad to get to experience it.
Finding my place
For the first
couple of weeks I was at camp, I felt a little overwhelmed and unsure
of my role. I feel now like I'm really finding where I fit in the
staff and what my place and responsibilities are. The rest of the
program team arrived recently, so we now have a team of 6 of us who
are in charge of the camp program – activities, spiritual emphasis,
schedules, etc. I'm so blessed already by being a part of this
group. We meet together every morning for devotions, prayer, and
discussing the day ahead, and are really forming a good connection
together. It's an encouraging way to start each day.
Also, now that the
counselors are here, I'm really getting to dive into my role as
Counselor Adviser (CA). As a CA, I live in the dorm with the girl
counselors, and serve as their leader/mentor/friend/counselor/go-to
person. For the counselors, their mission field is the campers who
will come, but as CA's, our mission field is the counselors – to
support, encourage, lead, and motivate them throughout the summer.
This is a role that I take very seriously. I really want to serve
these young women well.
Prayer Requests
- Watering and growing of seeds that were planted during spring retreat season
- Counselors and Staff who have left home, family, and jobs to serve here this summer
- Continuing growth of team unity
- Health and safety, especially as camp and activities start
- Beth – a counselor who is struggling with some health problems and will probably be going home next week. She was excited to be here and is very discouraged about having to leave.
- Chelsea – a counselor for whom I am praying specifically to see God increase her confidence in herself and her calling.
- Kevin – a counselor whose spiritual maturity we are a little concerned about.
- The first week of summer camp, starting a week from today! (Monday, June 3) This will be a Middle School camp. Pray for our preparations and for the campers who are coming.
Ashley
Monday, May 27, 2013
Health Update~ When Not So Good News is Good News
Every week I go to Knoxville for an appointment on the Ondamed, which is the treatment that got rid of the Lyme. We continue to use it to treat the damage the Lyme did. In addition, every 3-4 weeks I had appointments to check my supplements. The last couple of months, the supplements started changing so much so often, that I've increased those appointments to every other week (same trip as the Ondamed appointment). Some of the changes in supplements have been decreases; some have been increases. Pretty much, the only change I've felt has been to feel worse. However, I know from everything we have read about Lyme Disease that that actually means progress is being made, even though I don't feel it. It gets hard sometimes to remember that and to keep my focus off increasing symptoms, but the Lord keeps me hanging on, reminding me, and reminding me of the restoration He has promised.
This past week's seemingly "not so good news" was that another bacterial infection has shown up. I have honestly been very surprised that I have only had the one very stubborn Staph infection, which I had for 15 months. Antibiotics didn't kill it, then when I started treatments at this new place, it took about 7 months of treatment to knock it out. The reason I am surprised is that Lyme always comes with co bacterial infections~usually 2 or more. The good news is that she doesn't believe this is a new infection, but one that has been there finally showing up. The way this treatment works is like pulling things off in layers...peeling an onion. As the body deals with one thing and starts healing, the next layer can show itself. She said she has been waiting and waiting on this to come out, because she knew it had to be there. So, yes, it showing up is a good thing and can now be treated. It also means that progress is being made against this disease, even when it doesn't feel that way. This was really an answer to my prayers the last few weeks, because I have felt at a stuck place. Like we are just treating the same things over and over, week after week, with no progress, even though I know it takes time....healing from Lyme takes LOTS of time, unless you catch it early. The Lord knew I needed to see things take a step, and He has been faithfully healing on the inside.
The only known visable effect the new bacterial infection is having is discomfort/pain in my left shoulder and shoulder blade area. However, I have also been much more tired and more out of commission the last few weeks, and I don't know if that is playing a part in it. I have just assumed it was from way over doing it since the beginning of April.
April and May were incredibly hard, but God kept me going to do what I needed, and a little of what I wanted, to do. It started April 7th, taking Ashley to Kentucky to start her journey to Alaska. We spent one night in KY, and traveled the next day to Nashville for James to help work on Troy's and Briana's new house. That day traveling was exhausting, and I got a severe neck ache, which I guess caused one of the most horrid headaches I have ever had, although even after my neck felt better the headache was relentless for days. (Lyme can cause migraines, but I had only had such a severe headache once back in Oct.) I spent most of the several days in the hotel resting, but still needed to be up and dressed, going out most every day, and that is extremely draining. The week after we got home, was Daniella's birthday, and we celebrated with family with an afternoon out. The next week, James and I were back to Nashville for him to help work and move them. I over did it, and this trip was even more difficult physically. (I WANTED to be there, though!) We returned with about a week and a half until Marissa's birthday, followed the next week by her slumber party. That is why I assume I have felt even more fatigued! (Ya think?!) I just haven't been able to recuperate from those weeks, and I am sure the bacterial infection is making it harder.
One other issue that I have dealt with in the last few weeks is what we think was a detox. Just before that second trip to Nashville, she discovered that my kidneys were not detoxing. When you start treating Lyme, it reacts by releasing tons of toxins and bacteria into the blood stream and cells. It overloads the system and massive detoxing is necessary. The body can't always keep up, but also my kidneys weren't working the way they should. She put me on a new supplement for that. I didn't know what was coming! I went through a horrid week or 2, where I told them that I felt like something had invaded my body. It was a scary feeling. The Lord held onto me without too much collateral damage, and a week or so after this was over, I read this~
"Herxheimer reaction ("Herx"): definition should be "torture." Can be used as a noun or verb as in "I herxed so bad I felt like I was run over by a truck and then dragged by a pack of wolves through hot dry sand." Scientifically speaking, a herxheimer reaction is what occurs during the treatment of Lyme disease and its co-infections. The common misconception is that when a patient is treated with meds, it should be all uphill from there. Medication should make you feel better, right? Very wrong. When spirochetal bacteria (like Lyme) is killed off, it releases a massive load of toxins in the body. These toxins are "neurotoxins" and "endotoxins", which putting it simply means that it is a toxin to the brain and the patients' organs. Typically the death of these bacteria and the associated release of endotoxins occurs faster than the body can remove the toxins via the natural detoxification process (hence the need for tons of detox supplements, herbs, and strict diet). Herxing can cause a whole host of symptoms, ranging from seizures, migraines, excruciating pain, dizziness, relentless hours of crying, anxiety, heart rate issues, pain, inability to breathe, insomnia, episodes of rage, confusion, memory loss, and much, much more. This, therefore makes Lyme treatment grueling, and very similar to cancer treatment with chemotherapy."
I, very thankfully, did not have all of these symptoms listed, nor were some of the ones I had as severe as they indicated, but they were bad enough. Some were very bad. I am so thankful that is over, at least for now, and prayerfully, for good!
Aside from the increased fatigue, the only other increased symptoms I can think of at the moment are joint and muscle aches (not daily, but lots of days), my trouble with comprehension and processing has gotten worse again, some increased digestive issues again, the insomnia and dreaming has increased again, and my body's ability to handle stress. (stress? who has stress?!)
And, of course, there are times that it is extremely difficult emotionally. Not daily...or sometimes daily for just a short while. This past week, my practitioner said something that stood out to me. She said that when she had been sick with MS, and as with many other sicknesses, she was very sick, but "functionally sick". She said that I am "non-functionally sick". Not a news flash. I kind of knew that, but I think to hear her say it jolted me a little. It's not just me. I really am. However, God is gracious, and He's helped me, and He's going to continue to help me, and we believe, heal me.
The 3rd week of June will mark 2 years since I first started feeling worse again...sick and fatigued, resting some, but having to push myself to go places. The last week of July will mark 2 years since my body quit. I'm about to take a risk here, and tell you something. The Lord spoke to me recently, through scripture (Elijah) and His voice, about 2 years of rest and good food. I don't know what He has planned. I don't hold Him to anything my heart might wish. June or July will be two years of rest. Two years of good food...not so much until next Feb. I also don't hold God to any time table. But, He did speak the 2 years to me. He says to ask Him, so I'm asking Him, and asking those who would to join me, for me to have a significant amount, if not total healing, by the end of June or July. Is that risky? Yes. But, that is what faith is. If that is not what He had in mind, I will be disappointed, but all will be okay. He will have a bigger blessing in store. Thank you to those who will join me in this prayer, and if you feel comfortable letting me know, please do, as it is great encouragement. Any "like" or comment in this battle is great encouragement.
This past week's seemingly "not so good news" was that another bacterial infection has shown up. I have honestly been very surprised that I have only had the one very stubborn Staph infection, which I had for 15 months. Antibiotics didn't kill it, then when I started treatments at this new place, it took about 7 months of treatment to knock it out. The reason I am surprised is that Lyme always comes with co bacterial infections~usually 2 or more. The good news is that she doesn't believe this is a new infection, but one that has been there finally showing up. The way this treatment works is like pulling things off in layers...peeling an onion. As the body deals with one thing and starts healing, the next layer can show itself. She said she has been waiting and waiting on this to come out, because she knew it had to be there. So, yes, it showing up is a good thing and can now be treated. It also means that progress is being made against this disease, even when it doesn't feel that way. This was really an answer to my prayers the last few weeks, because I have felt at a stuck place. Like we are just treating the same things over and over, week after week, with no progress, even though I know it takes time....healing from Lyme takes LOTS of time, unless you catch it early. The Lord knew I needed to see things take a step, and He has been faithfully healing on the inside.
The only known visable effect the new bacterial infection is having is discomfort/pain in my left shoulder and shoulder blade area. However, I have also been much more tired and more out of commission the last few weeks, and I don't know if that is playing a part in it. I have just assumed it was from way over doing it since the beginning of April.
April and May were incredibly hard, but God kept me going to do what I needed, and a little of what I wanted, to do. It started April 7th, taking Ashley to Kentucky to start her journey to Alaska. We spent one night in KY, and traveled the next day to Nashville for James to help work on Troy's and Briana's new house. That day traveling was exhausting, and I got a severe neck ache, which I guess caused one of the most horrid headaches I have ever had, although even after my neck felt better the headache was relentless for days. (Lyme can cause migraines, but I had only had such a severe headache once back in Oct.) I spent most of the several days in the hotel resting, but still needed to be up and dressed, going out most every day, and that is extremely draining. The week after we got home, was Daniella's birthday, and we celebrated with family with an afternoon out. The next week, James and I were back to Nashville for him to help work and move them. I over did it, and this trip was even more difficult physically. (I WANTED to be there, though!) We returned with about a week and a half until Marissa's birthday, followed the next week by her slumber party. That is why I assume I have felt even more fatigued! (Ya think?!) I just haven't been able to recuperate from those weeks, and I am sure the bacterial infection is making it harder.
One other issue that I have dealt with in the last few weeks is what we think was a detox. Just before that second trip to Nashville, she discovered that my kidneys were not detoxing. When you start treating Lyme, it reacts by releasing tons of toxins and bacteria into the blood stream and cells. It overloads the system and massive detoxing is necessary. The body can't always keep up, but also my kidneys weren't working the way they should. She put me on a new supplement for that. I didn't know what was coming! I went through a horrid week or 2, where I told them that I felt like something had invaded my body. It was a scary feeling. The Lord held onto me without too much collateral damage, and a week or so after this was over, I read this~
"Herxheimer reaction ("Herx"): definition should be "torture." Can be used as a noun or verb as in "I herxed so bad I felt like I was run over by a truck and then dragged by a pack of wolves through hot dry sand." Scientifically speaking, a herxheimer reaction is what occurs during the treatment of Lyme disease and its co-infections. The common misconception is that when a patient is treated with meds, it should be all uphill from there. Medication should make you feel better, right? Very wrong. When spirochetal bacteria (like Lyme) is killed off, it releases a massive load of toxins in the body. These toxins are "neurotoxins" and "endotoxins", which putting it simply means that it is a toxin to the brain and the patients' organs. Typically the death of these bacteria and the associated release of endotoxins occurs faster than the body can remove the toxins via the natural detoxification process (hence the need for tons of detox supplements, herbs, and strict diet). Herxing can cause a whole host of symptoms, ranging from seizures, migraines, excruciating pain, dizziness, relentless hours of crying, anxiety, heart rate issues, pain, inability to breathe, insomnia, episodes of rage, confusion, memory loss, and much, much more. This, therefore makes Lyme treatment grueling, and very similar to cancer treatment with chemotherapy."
I, very thankfully, did not have all of these symptoms listed, nor were some of the ones I had as severe as they indicated, but they were bad enough. Some were very bad. I am so thankful that is over, at least for now, and prayerfully, for good!
Aside from the increased fatigue, the only other increased symptoms I can think of at the moment are joint and muscle aches (not daily, but lots of days), my trouble with comprehension and processing has gotten worse again, some increased digestive issues again, the insomnia and dreaming has increased again, and my body's ability to handle stress. (stress? who has stress?!)
And, of course, there are times that it is extremely difficult emotionally. Not daily...or sometimes daily for just a short while. This past week, my practitioner said something that stood out to me. She said that when she had been sick with MS, and as with many other sicknesses, she was very sick, but "functionally sick". She said that I am "non-functionally sick". Not a news flash. I kind of knew that, but I think to hear her say it jolted me a little. It's not just me. I really am. However, God is gracious, and He's helped me, and He's going to continue to help me, and we believe, heal me.
The 3rd week of June will mark 2 years since I first started feeling worse again...sick and fatigued, resting some, but having to push myself to go places. The last week of July will mark 2 years since my body quit. I'm about to take a risk here, and tell you something. The Lord spoke to me recently, through scripture (Elijah) and His voice, about 2 years of rest and good food. I don't know what He has planned. I don't hold Him to anything my heart might wish. June or July will be two years of rest. Two years of good food...not so much until next Feb. I also don't hold God to any time table. But, He did speak the 2 years to me. He says to ask Him, so I'm asking Him, and asking those who would to join me, for me to have a significant amount, if not total healing, by the end of June or July. Is that risky? Yes. But, that is what faith is. If that is not what He had in mind, I will be disappointed, but all will be okay. He will have a bigger blessing in store. Thank you to those who will join me in this prayer, and if you feel comfortable letting me know, please do, as it is great encouragement. Any "like" or comment in this battle is great encouragement.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
God Remembers
Recently, I was reading about the account of Noah, and these words leaped off the page at me: "But God remembered Noah". Now we all know that God had not actually *forgotten* Noah. But, think about it. The verse before says, "The water prevailed upon the earth one hundred and fifty days." Imagine. Being closed up on this ark with just your immediate family and a gazillion animals, and it rains and rains and rains, and you know from what God has said that everyone and everything outside that ark has been destroyed. Nothing is left but your little group. You are floating in a vast unknown, nothing in sight, day after day after day, tossed around by waves that I am sure were there. I don't know about you and Noah, but I'm pretty certain I would wonder if God remembered me!!
And, don't we sometimes. We all have our "floods" whether they are sickness, like mine currently is, financial crisis, marriage crisis, child crisis..... we look around us and we see nothing but a flood. We see waves, we may feel tossed, we may feel alone in a great, vast ocean. But, this we can remember~ God has not forgotten us! He is there with us to give us His peace so that we know He is walking with us through the flood.
The commentary here says that "to 'remember' in the Bible is not merely to recall to mind; it is to express concern for someone, to act with loving care for him. When God remembers His people, He does so 'with favor'." We go through trials that cause us to wonder if God is still there. We don't feel Him with us for times, and He stays silent for what seems like a long time. But, then, God remembers us. He expresses His concern and He acts with loving care. He is a good God, teaching us about Himself and growing us in the silence, then remembering us with His favor.
This morning, as I was thinking about writing this blog post, this just happened to be the devotion I read from Jesus Calling~
"My face is shining upon you, beaming out Peace that transcends understanding. You are surrounded by a sea of problems, but you are face-to-Face with Me; your Peace. As long as you focus on Me, you are safe. If you gaze too long at the myriad problems around you, you will sink under the weight of your burdens. When you start to sink, simply call out, "Help me, Jesus!" and I will lift you up.
The closer you live to Me, the safer you are. Circumstances around you are undulating, and there are treacherous-looking waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on Me; the One who never changes. By the time those waves reach you, they will have shrunk to proportions of My design. I am always beside you, helping you face today's waves. The future is a phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future! Stay close to Me."
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you." Isaiah 43:2
God has not forgotten.
And, don't we sometimes. We all have our "floods" whether they are sickness, like mine currently is, financial crisis, marriage crisis, child crisis..... we look around us and we see nothing but a flood. We see waves, we may feel tossed, we may feel alone in a great, vast ocean. But, this we can remember~ God has not forgotten us! He is there with us to give us His peace so that we know He is walking with us through the flood.
The commentary here says that "to 'remember' in the Bible is not merely to recall to mind; it is to express concern for someone, to act with loving care for him. When God remembers His people, He does so 'with favor'." We go through trials that cause us to wonder if God is still there. We don't feel Him with us for times, and He stays silent for what seems like a long time. But, then, God remembers us. He expresses His concern and He acts with loving care. He is a good God, teaching us about Himself and growing us in the silence, then remembering us with His favor.
This morning, as I was thinking about writing this blog post, this just happened to be the devotion I read from Jesus Calling~
"My face is shining upon you, beaming out Peace that transcends understanding. You are surrounded by a sea of problems, but you are face-to-Face with Me; your Peace. As long as you focus on Me, you are safe. If you gaze too long at the myriad problems around you, you will sink under the weight of your burdens. When you start to sink, simply call out, "Help me, Jesus!" and I will lift you up.
The closer you live to Me, the safer you are. Circumstances around you are undulating, and there are treacherous-looking waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on Me; the One who never changes. By the time those waves reach you, they will have shrunk to proportions of My design. I am always beside you, helping you face today's waves. The future is a phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future! Stay close to Me."
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you." Isaiah 43:2
God has not forgotten.
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